Pepsi Bears and Other Stories by Anson Cameron

Author:Anson Cameron
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia
Published: 2011-08-23T04:00:00+00:00

Jesus rides a cash cow.

History throws up many examples in which people have talked to or seen God through animals. But Australia is young and the case of the Friesian adorned with a portrait of Jesus was the first of God’s revelations to his children in that land through the medium of his quadrupeds.

Near the irksome town of Korumburra in the green hills of Gippsland a dairy farmer named John Kirkoff was devout enough, and poor enough, to discover he had a Friesian milker with a black patch that, if you squinted and believed, resembled a silhouette of a Lord Jesus with cauliflower ears.

The mutterings and objections from more traditionally religious people went unheard. For any man who has been raised above the masses by having God stamp his cow with a likeness of His son is hardly likely to pay heed to the jealous sniping of those who have not.

Bus loads of fans came out to see that cow and Farmer John grew fat charging them ten dollars admission and selling them half-litres of Holy Milk at a hundred dollars a pop. Why not? Holy Milk needed no pasteurisation, Farmer John avowed, and he pumped it straight out of the Jesus cow into whatever receptacle the believers held, be it Coke can or hip-flask.

This killed a born-again Baptist from Punchbowl who skolled the milk while crossing the border back into New South Wales lest it be confiscated by fruit-fly inspectors. They buried him in the Punchbowl cemetery.

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